Mais Spoilers

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“it was nearly after lunch time when rosalie glided past the bathroom in a shimmery silver gown with her golden hair puled up in a soft crown on top her head. she was so beautiful it made me want to cry. what was even the point in dressing up with rosalie around?”
p. 42 i believe

soooo for the wedding, bella is all insecure about everything and being the ugliest bitch in the house but she gets all excited when she hears edward is back from something – and both ida and i are assuming hunting?

there was a lot of skipping around in the book in this conversation, but she warned me that book II jacob is told from his point of view. there are chapters within his book but they’re not listed in the index? idk i’m still confused and my sister kept saying “shhh lemme read you this part” when i tried to ask her questions about chapters lulz

it does go back to book III – bella and is told from her point of view, right after the baby is born. chapters 19 – 39 are told in bella’s POV and the book is 754 pages (to which i said “omg wtf even jkrowling knew how to keep it shorter than that”)

ok more elaboration on the pregnancy- while she was talking on the phone to carlisle on the isle of esme, she knew she was pregnant. she even had a little baby bump and said something ot the effect of “carlisle, i can FEEL something moving inside me!” and he’s like “o it’s just gas” JK JK wouldnt that have been funny? evidently this vampire baby develops double time in her womb and the pregnancy isn’t long at all.

carlisle does NOT explain more about edward’s little swimmers as far as ida can tell, he just says “it’s possible” and edward starts flippin the fuck out. bella’s all “wuts wrong bb?” and he’s the sullen cullen and is says something like:

“don’t be afraid – carlisle will take care of this. we’re going to get this thing out of you before it can hurt you.”

OMG WUT EDWARD WANTS AN ABORTION??? carlisle and edward are afraid of what might happen inside bella – will the baby vamp feed of her insides? no one knows. while edward is packing the bags to leave the island, bella calls the cullen house and speaks to rosalie and she says:

“rosalie, you have to help me”

CUE BOOK II

told from jacob’s point of view. its a few hundred pages long and deals with some drama with the werewolf pack esp. with sam but i had ida skip all that shit to get more about the pregnancy.

most of book II is dedicated to jacob trying to convince bella NOT to have the kid bc thats totally disgusting or something w/e. edward is more scared and confused than anyone and totes doesn’t want his new bride to be eaten alive from the inside by his own magical spawn. rosalie, however, wants her to have it. carlisle, like the good dr. cullen he is, won’t perform the magical abortion until bella is absolutely sure. i don’t know how much time passes while she’s pregnant but in smeyer’s world it doesn’t take very long for mutant bebes to develop.

while still in book two, jacob is chillin at the cullen house when bella starts shaking uncontrollably and barfin up blood (i asked my sister “lol whats the vampire reaction to THAT?” and she’s like “omg you’re so gross moving on”). rosalie and edward help bella up the stairs were she starts pushin out a bebe. she’s totes freaked out and says

“get it out! he can’t breathe!”

bc apparently bella thinks she’s having a boy, which we all know is not the case. jacob is still there through this whole thing.

WHAT IS THE FULL NAME OF BEDWARD’S BEBE ONCE SHE HAS IT?………
3….
2….
1….
RENESMEE!!!!!

o smeyer, you creative little minx. “nessie” is her nickname apparently. when my sister told me the name i was like “wait WTF did you just say to me? SPELL THAT OUT THIS IS GOLDEN!”

CUE BOOK III – BELLA’S POV

picks up right after she pushes out the bebe. she describes the horrible pain of childbirth for a while, blah blah blah, and then she switches to how clear suddenly everything was, how her and edward’s lives (lol irony) are completely blended to one now and starts explain bout wut the bebe looks like. how amazing it felt to be holding renesmee, the bebe’s “curly brown hair matted with blood” and how she looked “porcelain white and fair underneath the fluids” or something to that effect YUCK. her irises are a chocolate brown, like bella’s, and the weirdest thing of all?

“underneath her shell pink lips was a full set of glowing pearly white teeth”

LOLTASTIC. and then suddenly bella realizes how much pain she is in, clutching her newborn mutant to her chest, and she’s fighting off the crushing blackness, fighting to fall into total “obliteration” because she was always one to “endure, survive, never to hide from the enemy or pain” or something like that ya w/e bella you complain a lot. someone grabs her bebe from her as she’s slowly slipping away, trying to fight off the blackness for her bebe and for “jacob, who was always there for her everytime she needed him – could she do this to jacob? to fall when he needed her?” something like that. she moans on and on about the pain and trying not to DIE

at some point in all this mess, probably sometime back in book II idk my time frames might be a little off but jacob’s imprints, and ida assures me it’s “not too creepy.” lol it just says “his heart changed, and his insides seemed to melt inside. the entire world changed before his eyes…. he imprinted” or something like that

both my sister and i gathered that the delivery/labor was rough and she was dying from the childbirth, so – hopefully – edward bit her to keep her from dyin. at first we thought the bebe bit her and i was like “omg you have to be kidding me this shit is golden.” someone definitely bites her here, but it’s not clear on who it is: either edward or carlisle. then bella blabbers on about the fire in her veins, it blazed hotter, the “endless burn raged on” etc etc

edward gingerly asks “bella? can you hear me? bella, my love, squeeze my hand or open your eyes, anything”

but bella is afraid if she opens her eyes or speaks or moves she’s die or the pain will be worse so she just lays there, changin into a vampire unknowingly. carlisle says something like:

“maybe i’m too late…”

and edwards all NOOOO!!!

“bella, please love, squeeze my hand…”

and then carlisle says something like…

“listen to her heart! it’s stronger than emmett’s – i’ve never heard anything like it! the venom must have acted quickly, this was easier than esme’s. she’ll be perfect, edward.”

bella drones on and on about the pain, pausing ocassionally to piss and moan about her bebe girl RENESMEE and thinkin bout edward and jacob.

suddenly, the only thing bella realizes is the absence of pain. (p. 386)

and thus starts chapter 20 – new

so my little twatsicles, this is what i have for you today. unfortunately, carlisle doesn’t share the secret to edward’s sperm and ida has not yet found out about what happens to rosalie, but she is def there for the wedding and the birth. but she hasn’t read much about the big battle yet so the story line about hte volturi is really cloudy to the both of us. also…

apparently there’s another 1/2 human 1/2 vamp from the amazonian coven that helps fight. idk idgi it either. according to my sister who is comprehending all of this better than me (or so it seems), in 6 1/2 years RENESMEE will be a full blown human. like, bella’s age or w/e and then she’ll stop aging and the vampire side will kick in (god smeyer, your world is so fucking convenient isn’t it?). apparently they discover all of this information from cunning carlisle cullen and that 1/2n1/2 amazon mutant they meet or something.